I had been dating this one man for only a few months. I was still getting to know him but he seemed wonderful and I enjoyed his company. I met his parents only a couple times for dinner. They seemed nice and welcomed me always. I had been in Horsham since October and worked at the base medical clinic. He was the first man I had been with since I left for the Navy. It was fun and I wasn’t planning or expecting anything serious.
Ever since I was little and was told I was adopted I swore that I would never have an abortion. I felt if I did then it was like betraying myself. My birth parents chose to give me a better life and gave me up instead of aborting me. So how could I not do the same when it was my turn? I had the dream probably like everyone else that kids would come after a career and a husband. How was I going to tell him, “Hey remember that night in February we were together? Well our ways of prevention might not have worked.” Yeah that would go over great.
Luckily I was off work this April day. It took a lot of coaxing to go to the store to get this piece of plastic that will decide my fate. Now I have been in the bathroom for what feels like forever. I’m not ready for the responsibility of being a mother but not sure if I could give him or her up either. Could I get an abortion? No one would know and life could go on as if nothing happened. But I would know. I would see a kid at the park and feel guilty of what I destroyed. No, I would keep him. I would make it work. If he wanted to not be apart of it then that’s his choice, but I can totally do this and find a way to make this work.
It is after sunset. I have been in this room all day. Pee on the damn stick already. Whatever happens you can get through it. Adapt and overcome. Adapt and overcome. Great now I sound like my chief from bootcamp. Well, here goes nothing.
Stupid pink lines. Pink lines messing up my plan. Not like I was one who really had a plan. I always kind of did what I thought would be good at the time. No plans. No preparing. It worked well with my procrastination that I had going. My mother said it would be the death of me. Well, I’m not dead but what the H E double hockey sticks do I do now?!
Great he’s coming over. I called to let him in on the event of my day and now he’s coming over. I’m fine. I don’t need you coming over telling me how you feel. I don’t care. I’m keeping it and that is that. I hope it’s a boy. I always wanted a boy. If I had a girl she would probably turn out stubborn as me and we would annoy each other. Telling him was easy. What bothered me was why in the world he is so happy and excited? Isn’t he worried about what might happen? We barely know eachother, how does he think this is a good thing. What if I am a bad mother? He knows nothing. Maybe he’s stupid? Alright he’s not stupid but seriously who does that? We talked about every teeny tiny scenario and I told him how I felt about abortions and adoption. We were going to raise a child together one way or another.
Through a lot of ups, downs, breakups, fights, and making up we raised our children. Yes, I had a boy. And I was blessed with another two boys later. And that same man proposed and I finally said I do in June 2013. They all mean the world to me and I can’t imagine a world without them. Things would be so different if I didn’t have them in my life.